Thanks to all of you who remind me I need to post, I’ve not been too good about it lately and I appreciated the reminders!
So I left off with splashes of paint on my walls, which unfortunately still remain. I did manage to move all my computer stuff off the desk so it can be removed, although it too is still there. I guess it hasn’t been a very productive few months…… Except that I did retire from my job, am making some efforts to take care of some physical problems not directly related to cancer and did have an electrician come in and fix the basement lights and put lights out in the new doggie yard. So, there is some progress.
Other mile stones were reached in the last few months. My son turned 28, which sounds way too grown up. Doug turned 65 which sounds way too old and we celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary, which sounds wonderful! I don’t mind being married to an old man, he’s still cute, sweet and extremely lovable! We also had 8 inches of snow down here which gave our little Mattie a very cold belly and Rosie cold feet. Trooper didn’t seem to mind one bit, but then she can still walk in 8 inches and not have to hop to get through.
This week I had another port put in as my veins were just about to give up even though they have been hiding for the last few treatments. Just to refresh, a port is a small device that is placed under the skin, usually just below the collar bone that connects to a catheter that goes into a large vein and down into the first chamber of the heart so that medications can be injected into a large reservoir of blood. The port has a rubber top that a needle can access directly through the skin. This time I was given the new and improved "power port" which can also be used for CT and MRI scans. Those need the contrast media injected at a high rate which the old ports could not handle. So Instead of the stainless steel and black rubber doorbell looking thing, this is a purple triangle about the size of a quarter with a clear rubber center. Doug thought it looked like a dog tag. Anyway, it is under the skin just below my collar bone and as soon as the incision heals, all you’ll see is a triangle bump under my skin.
Except for the falsodex injections, which have been doubled so I get an injection in both of my butt cheeks every month, I'll never have to be stuck again except to access the port. That stings a bit but it's easy to find and only needs one stick unless the nurse is blind. But even then it has 3 little bumps that can be felt to indicate exactly where to stick! They can draw blood as well as hook up the infusions. I am now a card carrying member of the Power Port club!
When I was having the port put in, I was ‘juiced up’ enough to chat pleasantly with the nurse and x-ray tech attending me. Seems the tech graduated x-ray school a year before me, but from UNC, will be married 30 years in June and was born and raised here in Jacksonville! Or else I totally imagined all that! I remember the numbing medicine stinging my neck, then some pulling around my neck and then a moment later they said I was all done. According to Doug I was in there 1 ½ hours, but it felt like all of 5. That 'happy juice' is great! I do remember the nurse coming to give me a bag of cotton balls she said she promised just before we left but I have no earthly idea what they were for and why she promised them to me….. but I did get to come home with a goody bag full of gauze pads, tape and hydro covers to protect the incision when I can finally take a shower, which should be tonight! Since the tube goes directly into my heart, the risk of infection is taken quite seriously; even I was given a mask to wear during the procedure.
Now that I need to get two injections of falsodex every month, I did convince the nurses to let me lean on a gurney in a private'ish' room rather than stand in the bathroom clinging to the sink. Each injection takes 30 seconds to a minute to push in, so it is kind of an ordeal already. I always get a kind laugh from the nurses as I limp past them after my shots and the nurse comes out shaking her stiff hands from pushing that thick liquid into my ample, but still not made to accept an extra 500 cc’s of stuff, buttocks.
Next month I will have another set of scans (bone scan, CT of chest, abdomen and pelvis), to see how things are progressing. This is always a stressful time for me as the news can be good, bad or no change. If the news is good, or no change, then I’ll have a good two months until I start to anticipate the next set of scans two months after that. Kind of a roller coaster ride, and I HATE roller-coaster rides! I tried to see a therapist here in Jacksonville to help me cope with the not so good time before my scans, but unfortunately I started with her during my ‘up’ two months and we just never clicked. She was nice enough, but when she was sincerely shocked to learn that I do not believe in heaven, well, I figured this wasn’t going to be what I needed. She wasn’t trying to push her religion on me, but I guess it never entered her mind that some people don’t believe in an afterlife, or in the concept of reward and punishment for one’s deeds after death. It was an interesting experience though, kind of an insight into how others think and believe so completely.
I don’t belittle belief in religion; I know that it can be a powerful force in someone’s life. A woman I knew, a devout Christian, foster mother who adopted two children into her family of 4 biological children, someone who worked very hard to live her beliefs, was struck by tragedy several weeks ago. Her husband was killed in a freak accident, leaving her with children aged 20 to 5 to raise on her own. I know her faith will get her through this and gives her the comfort she needs. Another woman I knew died unexpectedly 2 weeks after giving birth to her second child, a healthy baby girl. From what I understand, her husband's faith has been helping him cope with this horrible situation. For these families and their friends, religion gives them strength, comfort and a path to follow when all they probably want to do is crawl under a rock and hide. I won’t go into the negative aspects of religion, people need to see and decide for themselves both the good and bad of organized religion. I long ago came to peace with my lack of belief and find that my concept of life and living works well for me on the most part. I hold on to the tradition of my religion because it is a link to my past, my ancestors and to my family and hopefully to future generations. I see my role while I am on this earth is to leave it a better place after I am gone. Random acts of kindness rather than devout prayer, connecting with the goodness everyone possess somewhere inside of them rather than judging them based on one rule of thumb, and trying to be the best person I can be is what have chosen to follow. Like every one, religious and non-religious, I don’t always meet my goal, but I try. I hope that when I die people will say I was a kind person and somewhere along the path we two shared I gave something to them that they needed.
Well, back to here and now. We are off to find out why Doug’s computer is rattling, pick up cat food and come home to try and finish at least one project I have planned!
