Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday dear me
Happy birthday to me!
Why am I singing happy birthday to myself when so many wonderful friends and family wished me happy birthday, both online and in person? Well, it’s really very simple. With all the doubts, depressions and fears I’ve had this year, if I don’t cheer for myself, then I can’t really accept and appreciate all the love and support I’ve received from everyone else. And cheering for myself has not been very easy. Like most everyone on earth, I am highly critical of myself. I never seem to feel totally confident in my decisions, am a bit insecure in social situations, and between my body being disfigured surgically and the changes age and weight gain has made, can’t say I like what I see in the mirror.
However, I need to remind myself that decisions are just choices, and choices are just different paths along the road of life. Being good in social situations doesn’t really change who am as long as I continue to strive to be true to my core values, show loving kindness to the world around me and be respectful of others. And as far as mirrors are concerned, it’s just a piece of glass. Throw a rock at it and it shatters easily into a million different pieces. Throw a rock at me, and if I don’t duck in time, it will hurt, but whatever damage it may cause can be healed with time and good medical care.
Birthdays remind me that I’m getting older, but getting to be old is a goal not a dread! Yet, since getting old is not a guarantee (it really isn’t for anyone), I also try to celebrate each and every day. The challenge is to find the joy hidden in the drudgery of a daily routine, to feel love through the mundane conversation with a family member or friend, to find peace in the middle of a crowd, and to seek tranquility in your small backyard patio. Take a moment to watch a dog taking a cat nap on your sofa while you sit and watch the nightly news, or a cat doggedly chasing the roach trying to hide under your kitchen sink. They know to take advantage of any opportunity to rest or entertain themselves, and they don’t feel guilty about it. They have so much to teach us, and we, as a species, have so much to learn! Appreciate the little things because they can be found all around you. The big things in life happen, but infrequently and not always as you had hoped. A good cup of morning coffee or a quite conversation about plans for the upcoming weekend happen all the time and if you let them, can inspire in you a little joy, a bit of love, or other feelings you think only the big events to bring you.
Sing to yourself next time on your birthday, say out loud that you appreciated spending the day with yourself, smile at the beautiful person looking back at you in that mirror. Live as if everyday is your last, love like time will stand still and keep your dreams close to your heart.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I'm still here....
Hey all, I’m really am still alive. It seems that quitting my job to give me some more time to do stuff I want to do just gave me no more excuses to not do the things I had to do….. gees!
A quick update here. My last two scans have showed no changes in the spots in my bones and no new lesions, so once again, the news is good. Now I just have to learn not to let myself get so worked up and scared before my next scans, it really doesn’t do me much good.
Several weeks ago, my neck was really huirting. Not due to my cancer, or even the seven hour car ride home from visiting my mother in Savannah, it was from sitting down at the creek and having to constantly look from side to side as more activity than I’ve ever seen down at the creek was going on. It was truly marvelous!
I first noticed a large fish, maybe a bass, sitting in the middle of a gravel clearing she cleared from the normally muddy bottom of the creek to lay her eggs. Then, as I was feeding the smaller turtles, I saw the medium sized snapper over by a dead branch about four feet from the dock, gobbling up the cheerios I was tossing out. The gar fish were extremely active, proposing in and out of the water in circles after small schools of fish. Up and down the creek different groups (what do you call them: schools, hordes, mobs, packs?) splashed in the gater grass to spawn in orgies of as many as six or seven in a bunch. Above us an osprey was hovering over the creek watching for a catch.
All this activity caught the attention of my little Mattie, whose neck is going to be a sore as mine. If this wasn’t enough, my big snapper started gobbling up the cheerios making sucking sounds as he seemingly inhaled the cherries, only to have most float out of his mouth as he drew his head back under the water. While this was going on, several ducks made a bee-line right to me, and since they didn ‘t seem to be bothered by the three dogs sitting with me on the dock, I presume that they were the five babies we feed all last summer. Several gray ducks, siblings from a group I remember from up the creek last summer, also hung around but wouldn’t come close to the dock. As our group from last year greeted each other with the Muscovy dance, a combination of neck bobbing and head puffing accompanied by a hiss like quack. Poor Mattie was beside herself wanting to go chase them, but anticipating some duck activity, I had the gate up and a leash on her.
To make things even more exciting, one of the male duck mounted the smaller female, and as the other two egged him on, held her head down with his beak and proceeded to have his way with her. (Did you know that male ducks have cork screw penises? Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls!) A while later one of the males went after the other female but was discouraged when another male rushed over and let it be known she was not to be touched. He also discouraged two of the gray ducks from taking indecent liberties with his lady duck!
The next day was not quite as busy, but the ducks returned as did my large snapper and several smaller slider turtles. However, what made it exciting was an incident shortly before we headed back up the yard to the house. Early on the ducks approached full speed down the creek looking to see what I was treating them with this day. Several sliders and the big snapper were in attendance, and strange as it seems, the snapper was the one to be pushed away from the food. Although his head was larger than some of the slider turtles, he'd contort himself to try and grab at the cheerios without getting a turtle instead! In turn, the smaller turtles seemed to be out grabbed by the ducks when it came to going after the same cheerio. As all were just at the edge of the dock gorging themselves on the treats I was offering, Mattie could no longer contain herself and slid right over the side into the creek. I don’t know who was more shocked, Mattie; Doug and I; the other dogs; or the ducks and turtles! Careful not to drop my camera into the water (I was taking great photos of the ducks and turtles but missed the opportunity to get the surprised look on Mattie’s face as she realized that her feet were no longer on solid surface!), I pulled in the leash until I could grab the handle of her life jacket and pull her out. I might have waited to see if she would know to swim to the shore if the snapper wasn’t within snapping distance of my little rescue dog! I still wonder if she would have swum to shore or after the ducks! With her wet and smelly, we headed back to the house where she was given a bath and a blow dry!
The big old gator showed up on mother’s day. When one of the ducks got gotten hold of by one of the snapping turtles and I had to use a stick to get him off, I decided it was time to band the ducks. I hated to do it, but I had to scare them away. Mattie wasn’t happy about it as duck chasing, or hoping to get past me to duck chase, was her favorite past time, even after her not so graceful dive into the water! However, she has discovered that fish jump out of the water and will keep watch hoping one might accidently jump right onto the dock. She watches so intently that by the time we come back inside, she can hardly keep her eyes open.
Though the creek is my afternoon vacation spot, a bigger trip is on the horizon! My two wonderful children are sending Doug and me on a cruise to Alaska for our 30th wedding anniversary! Not only is it our first cruise, it is our first real vacation, ever! When I was a little hesitant about going this summer, my Sarah, bless her heart (and blunt honesty), said “you know mom, you might not be around to go at a later date….” So, we are heading off to Alaska mid June! Hopefully I’ll have many years to think back and remember this trip!
A quick update here. My last two scans have showed no changes in the spots in my bones and no new lesions, so once again, the news is good. Now I just have to learn not to let myself get so worked up and scared before my next scans, it really doesn’t do me much good.
Several weeks ago, my neck was really huirting. Not due to my cancer, or even the seven hour car ride home from visiting my mother in Savannah, it was from sitting down at the creek and having to constantly look from side to side as more activity than I’ve ever seen down at the creek was going on. It was truly marvelous!
I first noticed a large fish, maybe a bass, sitting in the middle of a gravel clearing she cleared from the normally muddy bottom of the creek to lay her eggs. Then, as I was feeding the smaller turtles, I saw the medium sized snapper over by a dead branch about four feet from the dock, gobbling up the cheerios I was tossing out. The gar fish were extremely active, proposing in and out of the water in circles after small schools of fish. Up and down the creek different groups (what do you call them: schools, hordes, mobs, packs?) splashed in the gater grass to spawn in orgies of as many as six or seven in a bunch. Above us an osprey was hovering over the creek watching for a catch.
All this activity caught the attention of my little Mattie, whose neck is going to be a sore as mine. If this wasn’t enough, my big snapper started gobbling up the cheerios making sucking sounds as he seemingly inhaled the cherries, only to have most float out of his mouth as he drew his head back under the water. While this was going on, several ducks made a bee-line right to me, and since they didn ‘t seem to be bothered by the three dogs sitting with me on the dock, I presume that they were the five babies we feed all last summer. Several gray ducks, siblings from a group I remember from up the creek last summer, also hung around but wouldn’t come close to the dock. As our group from last year greeted each other with the Muscovy dance, a combination of neck bobbing and head puffing accompanied by a hiss like quack. Poor Mattie was beside herself wanting to go chase them, but anticipating some duck activity, I had the gate up and a leash on her.
To make things even more exciting, one of the male duck mounted the smaller female, and as the other two egged him on, held her head down with his beak and proceeded to have his way with her. (Did you know that male ducks have cork screw penises? Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls!) A while later one of the males went after the other female but was discouraged when another male rushed over and let it be known she was not to be touched. He also discouraged two of the gray ducks from taking indecent liberties with his lady duck!
The next day was not quite as busy, but the ducks returned as did my large snapper and several smaller slider turtles. However, what made it exciting was an incident shortly before we headed back up the yard to the house. Early on the ducks approached full speed down the creek looking to see what I was treating them with this day. Several sliders and the big snapper were in attendance, and strange as it seems, the snapper was the one to be pushed away from the food. Although his head was larger than some of the slider turtles, he'd contort himself to try and grab at the cheerios without getting a turtle instead! In turn, the smaller turtles seemed to be out grabbed by the ducks when it came to going after the same cheerio. As all were just at the edge of the dock gorging themselves on the treats I was offering, Mattie could no longer contain herself and slid right over the side into the creek. I don’t know who was more shocked, Mattie; Doug and I; the other dogs; or the ducks and turtles! Careful not to drop my camera into the water (I was taking great photos of the ducks and turtles but missed the opportunity to get the surprised look on Mattie’s face as she realized that her feet were no longer on solid surface!), I pulled in the leash until I could grab the handle of her life jacket and pull her out. I might have waited to see if she would know to swim to the shore if the snapper wasn’t within snapping distance of my little rescue dog! I still wonder if she would have swum to shore or after the ducks! With her wet and smelly, we headed back to the house where she was given a bath and a blow dry!
The big old gator showed up on mother’s day. When one of the ducks got gotten hold of by one of the snapping turtles and I had to use a stick to get him off, I decided it was time to band the ducks. I hated to do it, but I had to scare them away. Mattie wasn’t happy about it as duck chasing, or hoping to get past me to duck chase, was her favorite past time, even after her not so graceful dive into the water! However, she has discovered that fish jump out of the water and will keep watch hoping one might accidently jump right onto the dock. She watches so intently that by the time we come back inside, she can hardly keep her eyes open.
Though the creek is my afternoon vacation spot, a bigger trip is on the horizon! My two wonderful children are sending Doug and me on a cruise to Alaska for our 30th wedding anniversary! Not only is it our first cruise, it is our first real vacation, ever! When I was a little hesitant about going this summer, my Sarah, bless her heart (and blunt honesty), said “you know mom, you might not be around to go at a later date….” So, we are heading off to Alaska mid June! Hopefully I’ll have many years to think back and remember this trip!
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